I live in a subdivision that is overrun with rabbits and ground squirrels.

Background:

Every home in the subdivision has a usable porch.  Under those porches is a safe place for rabbits from predators.  Of course everyone has flower beds and shrubs that the rabbits like to eat.  So good habitat.

Three sides of the subdivision are wood lots or vacant land.  The coyotes roam those areas but are reluctant to enter or hunt in the human occupied subdivision.  This is exactly why all the rabbits and ground squirrels are in the subdivision – it’s a refuge.

We can’t let our cats out to hunt because the cats are too daft to stay in the subdivision so they get picked off by the coyotes.

We humans are prohibited from discharging firearms, grenades, high explosives or flying monkeys within town limits.  👮

The rabbits are chewing up our gardens and the squirrels are undermining our infrastructure and both are getting bold.

So does anybody have a good technique for getting rid of rabbits and squirrels.

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I really wanted to buy a theatrical fog generator for my front porch.  I think it would be cool to have spooky fog rolling off the porch in the evening. Think, all those black and white Universal monster films like “Dracula,” “The Wolf Man,” and “Frankenstein.”

But I’m an adult now, toys must be set aside for the betterment of Mankind, so instead I bought a chain saw because: the God-Damn Purple Leaf Plum MUST DIE!

Sigh.

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